Keep the faith
The title of this blogpost is kind of ironic to me, I’ve thought about changing it a lot but it just covers all I want to say with it. First and foremost: I don’t mean believing in god or any kind of deity (however, if that works for you, go for it!). But lately I’ve been thinking about the changes I would like to see in myself and it does come down to keeping the faith. Like I said, not faith in a god but faith that everything will turn out ok. The root of my tendency to overthink every single thing stems from being scared. And my fears vary from being afraid of groups of strange people and being bullied to not being good enough. And lately my fears evolve around if I’m doing the right thing for my son and my love. For my little family.
The thing that I always come back to when I realise I’m overthinking is that I have to keep the faith that it will be ok. Sure, some fears can actually come true. My son can get sick, I can get bullied, teased or feel tiny or alone all over again and even my love can get hurt. But what I’ve learned from the years of being bullied is that there always comes a new day. There is always the possibility to start over and get things right. From time to time I have to take a hurdle, be it a small one or a big one. And from time to time I feel like I can’t take that hurdle. That it’s a mountain and I’m not strong enough to climb it and be victorious. But people are resilient and I’ve found that I am resilient too, even more than I think. I got a bit scarred and bruised here and there. Walls have been built to protect me, torn down because they didn’t suffice and some walls got built up again. But at some stage or another I always got to the point in my life where I could relax, exhale, see the world around me and realise that my life is pretty darn good.
So lately that is what I’ve been thinking when I have to stop myself from worrying: no matter what, I have to keep the faith that everything will turn out ok. If I work for it, if I give it my all then I will come to a result that is acceptable for me. Or even just plain good. Somehow that mantra works for me. Everything will be ok. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but it will be ok. And then I let it go. Well, usually. Most of the time. Ok, sometimes. Sometimes I can let it go.
But let’s be honest: letting fears go and not wrecking your brain over every little thing can be hard work. It’s difficult and thinking about fears, for a lot of people, has become second nature. It can feel like someone is asking you not to breathe for an hour. worrying is not something you turn on and off, it kinda creeps up on you when you don’t expect it. And especially when you don’t need it. It’s funny how our brain works. When we’re not in a positive mindset somehow our brain has this need to just add a little more oil to that damn worry-fire. Because when you’re already feeling glum, somehow your brain just says “hey, and have you thought about how this-and-that can go wrong too??!? Go on, ponder some more about how your life is going to hell!!!”.
Yeah, thanks brain.
So, how about you. Do you ever take a step back and think “hey, so far in life I’ve run into problems but it always worked itself out somehow”. Or is that something you don’t believe in? Let me know in the comments!